I think I'm starting to see the meaning now, the reason for my apprehension at the beginning of the sem tt led me to go praying and worshipping with Rachel...this sem is going to be pretty rocky and depressing.

It's pessimistic thinking I know. I've been on rocky ground since school started.

What shocked me to that was that I FORGOT TO DO MY QT YESTERDAY. It totally slipped my mind and I didn't even think about it till I was in the MRT. Goes to show how absorbed I was in my own work...

It's a period of learning I guess. To let go and let God...to make sacrifices?

I don't know. I'm pretty depressed. I feel so...hopeless when I think of my projects and assignments that I have to do. I'm seriously stressed out by my school work despite other ppl telling me not to be too stressed by it. But when I look at the things required for my school work...I'm like...I think i'm not at tt lvl of maturity yet! I just can't seem to think deep enough...

Lately, I've been feeling tired and lethargic and restless. And yet, I cannot sleep properly at night no matter how tired I am. I'm like, considering drinking alcohol or sleeping pills just to knock myself out but it's just wrong.

And well, I just got back my ballet exam results and though I passed, I didn't do as good. It was really, way way way below what I expected myself to achieve. Why?? I gave my best but somehow I screwed up. And I'm disappointed at myself during dance class today. Why couldn't I remember the steps and the work fast enough?? Why didn't I catch them??

I know, it's not about outshining but about the passion and glorifying God but...why?

I'm just....I'm really upset with myself. And I'm wondering what can I do about it? How can I improve my situation?

Then I realise...

I've been treating my situation as though it is a PBL problem. What are the facts? What are the ideas, the possible reasons for the problems. What are the learning issues, things needed to be further researched on so as to understand the problem better? And what are the actions to be taken to achieve the solution? The FILA approach that my lecturer has so well deposited into my brain cells.

Haiz. Nvm.

On to lighter things...I would like to thank Mei Yi for inviting us to hear your testimony and to 'dedicate' it for us. I think...with a clearer understanding of your childhood and what you've been through and how you've changed...I get a better understanding of your whole person. At least, in my mind you are complete already. What will the future be? Who knows? But we'll go through it together, even if we're in different religions. ^.^